chuffchuff
09-08-07, 01:37 AM
In 1952 a young chap pops up in the Planter's Club, somewhere up country in Malaya.
He is greeted by an old chap, obviously in his cups, holding court at the bar. "Greetings there, young fellow - what on earth are you doing in a hellhole like this?"
The young man explains that he is newly arrived in Malaya, having recently inherited a rubber plantation from his grandfather. He has just arrived in the country, knows nothing about rubber and is hoping to get a few hints. He is informed by the assembly that as he is owner of the plantation, he doesn’t need to know anything; the management will run the place for him.
Then the old drunk fixes him with a glare and asks "Do you know what your grandfather died of?"
"Some sort of snakebite, I believe" the young man says.
"Aye", Nods the old man, "That is true - the dreaded Bandy Bandy snake. There is no snake more dangerous in the jungle - but if you know how, you need never be bitten".
He then explains the procedure. "If you’re walking along a path - for it is there they like to lie - and you see the Bandy Bandy snake, stand still.......... you will recognise it - it's black, with orange bands. Slowly - VERY slowly - reach forward and put your hand right on the tip of its tail. It will lie still. Then, suddenly run your hand up the snake's body until you reach the head. The whiplash will break its neck and you will be OK".
A month later the young man staggers into the Planter's Club, bleeding profusely, his clothing in tatters.
"My god, man!" Cries the old planter, "What’s happened to you?”
"It's like this", the young man says. "I was inspecting the trees and was walking along the path when I saw a Bandy Bandy snake. I remembered what you said........."
"I stood still until he stopped moving"
"I put my hand on the end of his tail"
"I waited"
The bar hushed and everyone leaned forwards to catch the young man's words...
"I quickly ran my hand ups its body......................"
"........................ Have you ever stuck your thumb up a tiger's arse?"
He is greeted by an old chap, obviously in his cups, holding court at the bar. "Greetings there, young fellow - what on earth are you doing in a hellhole like this?"
The young man explains that he is newly arrived in Malaya, having recently inherited a rubber plantation from his grandfather. He has just arrived in the country, knows nothing about rubber and is hoping to get a few hints. He is informed by the assembly that as he is owner of the plantation, he doesn’t need to know anything; the management will run the place for him.
Then the old drunk fixes him with a glare and asks "Do you know what your grandfather died of?"
"Some sort of snakebite, I believe" the young man says.
"Aye", Nods the old man, "That is true - the dreaded Bandy Bandy snake. There is no snake more dangerous in the jungle - but if you know how, you need never be bitten".
He then explains the procedure. "If you’re walking along a path - for it is there they like to lie - and you see the Bandy Bandy snake, stand still.......... you will recognise it - it's black, with orange bands. Slowly - VERY slowly - reach forward and put your hand right on the tip of its tail. It will lie still. Then, suddenly run your hand up the snake's body until you reach the head. The whiplash will break its neck and you will be OK".
A month later the young man staggers into the Planter's Club, bleeding profusely, his clothing in tatters.
"My god, man!" Cries the old planter, "What’s happened to you?”
"It's like this", the young man says. "I was inspecting the trees and was walking along the path when I saw a Bandy Bandy snake. I remembered what you said........."
"I stood still until he stopped moving"
"I put my hand on the end of his tail"
"I waited"
The bar hushed and everyone leaned forwards to catch the young man's words...
"I quickly ran my hand ups its body......................"
"........................ Have you ever stuck your thumb up a tiger's arse?"